I think last I wrote it was about spring... well let me just say, that was a long time ago! Summer's almost at an end....
I ran a marathon since last I wrote, like no big deal. I also moved country's and am now living in the Republic of Ireland! I've now been to both Spain and England. I've survived my first summer with Serge. But not only that I learned what it really means to serve out of weakness and to live in community. Actually how much I crave living in community. Oh yeah, and I also learned that I'm an extrovert... like who knew? (I always thought you had to be one of those loud people...) I also learned that college age young people aren't scary. (Actually, they're easier to get on with the high school students!) I'm learning how to forgive and to do constructive conflict.
Most recently I've been learning what it means to not only submit to God and His plans for my life, but to really trust Him. That He has my best interest in my mind. (What?!)
Right at the end of April, I was trying to reapply for my UK visa. But was hitting a lot of closed doors.... There was no way I could get a new visa, without going back to the states. Ok, so a little inconvenient, worth it though! I talked to my team leader a couple of days later and he told me he wanted me in the South for my second year. (End of story). I mean, excuse me?
Long story shorter, I moved South at the end of May. Then the next day went to Spain for Serge's mission conference. Honestly I went totally broken.... Not sure at all where I fit into the Ireland team, feeling very misunderstood by them. Like they didn't give a rip about Northern Ireland and what God was doing there. (To be fair though, I didn't give a rip about Ireland).
God being the good God that He is just loved me that week. I literally felt like a butterfly!
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| The Ireland Metro Team L-R top row: Steven Nelson, Louise Hacking, Courtney Deakle bottom row: Laura Pettit, Abby Demarest, Yours Truly, Vicki and Tom Gilliam |
After a week in Spain, meeting loads of people and hearing so many God stories, I came back to Ireland and straight into the summer program that the team does here called, "Encounter".
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| Encounter 19 Irish and America interns, plus Serge and Irish staff and their families |
Basically the summer was pleasantly surprising. I learned that I am dearly loved in my brokenness and through that I am able to love anyone.
Wait! What does that even mean?!
Again, trying to shorten the story. (Don't worry I'll expand more on that later).
After Encounter ended I found myself in one of those moments that aren't always a bad place to be in. That moment when you have to pray expectantly, because you got nothing!
I had no where to live.
Courtney offered that I could live with her till I could sort something out. But she's headed back to the states in September and needs time and space to pack.... So I needed to get something else sorted quick!
Before Encounter started, I'd looked at a house that was perfect! I'd be renting with 2 other people. There was a garden and a kitchen! And if I ever needed a lift to the airport, I'd be sorted! And the rent was really good! But it was about 45 minutes, by bus into town (Dublin). So not at all ideal if that's where my ministry placement's going to be. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. Right?
I told her I'd let her know by the end of summer. By the end of Encounter, as comfortable as it would be to stay in this house, I realized it wasn't right. Like it was too comfortable... that I wasn't trusting God by saying "yes" to this house. So, I said "no".
One of the Irish interns over the summer told me about another living situation, that again sounded perfect! So I finally checked it out (after I said no to the house!). The other living situation wasn't going to be available till February. It's August. I kinda just wanted to cry.
Fatih or just stupidity?
Courtney then reminded me about another option (see? That's the great thing about living with people!) of staying at a YWCA. In years past that's where apprentices would have stayed and Abby, one of the apprentices now, lived there when she first got here. I confessed I'd actually been to their website and didn't find out anything about staying there. Courtney then asked if they had a phone number, maybe I could just ring them? What?
So the next day in between catching trains to go to the North for a couple of days, I rang the "Y".
When I told the lady on the other end that I was with Serge and needed a place to live, she got so excited! They (the "Y") had just had a cancelation the day before (right when I thought I might actually be homeless!) and they had an opening for a long term person to stay there! I couldn't move in till the 28th (Exactly the day Courtney told me I needed to have somewhere else to live!) but I can stay till Christmas!
So, sorted for housing. Inner City. Multi cultural. Young people. About 180 degrees the other direction from anything I thought I'd ever say yes to just 4 months ago!
Where is this all going? One last story, and I'll get to the point.
I've now talked with/met 2 possible Irish ministry leaders. Both inner city. Both with very big hearts for inner city mission. One asked what my weaknesses were, so that he could challenge me to grow there. The other asked what my strengths were.... Sounds like they may be a good balance, right? The thing with inner city is that you get a lot multicultural people. Which is cool that there are ministries and people with a heart to reach an ever changing Dublin. But I thought I chose Ireland over England so I could work with Nationals, not internationals (which is what Serge in England's ministry is). As I feel myself arching my back like a 2-year-old, rebelling and asking "why do I have to be inner city?! I just want to work with refugees! Why does my living placement, work and place of worship all have to be international?!".... yet I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind...
Remember, you didn't want to work with refugees, but you gave it a try and see what happened? Trust God, kiddo. He really does have YOUR best in mind.
Then I have another thought. What if this whole time I've been fundraising and living in Ireland I'd only partially given my heart and will to God. Ya know, put a condition on it. Cool, I'll go to Ireland, but don't ask me to do... xyz. But what if it was God's plan all along? To bring me to this place where I am totally and completely out of my comfort zone, so that the only place I can serve is out of my weakness, so that God can be glorified? Because He's got bigger plans for me then I can understand now. God does not need me to do His work. But He wants me, and has invited me to join Him in what He'd doing in Dublin.
So now I have the option to say "yes" and be a part whatever that all means, or to say "no".
